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Tonight, in Europe (and affiliated countries) the finalé to a bizarre modern ritual plays out to its annual conclusion. It is the 60th anniversary of the European Song Contest (AKA Eurovision, AKA ESC).

Tonight, 27 songs will be judged by 40 countries, some countries whose inclusion within Europe stretches definitions somewhat and sparks debate: Iceland, Australia, Morocco, Turkey, The United Kingdom.

Tonight, decades old rivalries will mix with recent tensions as music brings countries together in passive/aggressive judgement against each other.

Who will the UK vote for? We don’t actually ‘like’ any of our neighbours or allies in Europe. We joined the neighbourhood watch and tenants associations, but don’t want the rules to apply to us, we just want everyone else to follow them. Conversely, our neighbours don’t want us to leave because we pay our rent on time.

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Nook – Tool using higher primate

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